


Whispers in the Dark

by cookiesfly



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, but the comfort is there, death happens off screen, im seriously sorry but i couldn't not write this, its very small though, so this is a whole lot of hurt and not a lot of comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 22:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiesfly/pseuds/cookiesfly
Summary: Clarke remembered being in 8th grade and reading a book called Of Mice and Men. At first she was excited because she thought it had something to do with chasing mice, who she thought were adorable. But as she started reading it, she learned to dislike it - it was too violent and she didn't want to believe that there were no such things as happy endings. Didn’t want to believe that “The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry”Now though, standing in their containment module with the door closing before he could safely make it in, she remembered that book and thought it made more sense than she cared to believe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Never in my life did I think I would write about these two but like listen the past month has sucked me into a hole filled with nothing but Bellarke and because I obviously hate myself, I started reading fic and landed on a few sad ones, including It's Okay by JJQuinn and I got sad and then thought of this. (Go read that one if you haven't because its sad af and any similarities are not intended.)
> 
> So yes, this is sad and has a sad ending, and honestly I don’t know why I even know why I wrote this because the last thing I want is for them to be unhappy because they've gone through so much. But I didn’t want to suffer alone with my idea so here we are.
> 
> I apologize in advance for the potential OOC moments as I’ve never written these two before and for making ya’ll sad. Please don’t hate me. Kate you are the best and thanks for reading this through for me. 
> 
> Also let’s just assume that, people can talk through airlocks in this universe because they have an intercom in place. 
> 
> Title comes from the song with the same name by Mumford and Sons. The song has no relation to this fic I just like the title.  
> The quote in the beginning is probably super recognizable to most people. Its from Hunting Season by Beau Taplin.

_ One day, whether you are 14, or 28, or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.  
_ _ However, the saddest most awful truth you will ever come to find is they are not always with whom we spend our lives. _

* * *

 

Clarke remembered being in 8th grade and reading a book called  _ Of Mice and Men _ . At first she was excited to read it, because she thought it had something to do with chasing mice. But as she started reading it, she learned to dislike it - it was too violent and she didn't want to believe that there were no such things as happy endings. Didn't want to believe that “The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.”

Now though, standing at the doorway of the airlock that was closing before he could safely make it in, she remembered that book and thought it made more sense than she cared to believe.

* * *

 

They were so close to making the night-blood, so close to succeeding.  All Clarke could do was  try to think of another plan, try to find another way of surviving, because they hadn't come this far for it to end this way. 

Going through Becca's old files, they discovered that her lab had a fallout shelter built underneath. All they had to do was fix the airlock at the entrance of the shelter, inside the lab. They succeeded and that gave Clarke hope. Hope that they would all survive. Hope that finally, luck was on their side. 

Then, the rain came and never went away and the decision to close the door was made. 

Watching inside the hallway leading up to the shelter as the door was closing, Clarke's mind drifted back all those grounders and Skaikru who weren't inside.  She tried to remind herself that this wasn't a time to be selfish, it was a time to think about the future of the human race. 

But the door didn't close, and Raven mumbled something about an old fuse box short circuiting outside the complex. Before they even had a chance to decide who would go, Bellamy put on a suit, rushed outside and made his way to the box. 

The door started closing a few moments later, which meant he succeeded, but each second that he wasn't back felt like an eternity. She felt like she was back in Arkadia, waiting for him to radio in from Mount Weather. She didn't want to think about what it would mean if he didn't make it back in time.

Then he reappeared inside and she started breathing again, locking eyes with him, a triumphant and hopeful look on his face.

* * *

 

So there she stood, watching as he all but ran through the lab towards the door. Towards her. 

It never got old seeing him come back to her; it reminded her just how much she relied on him, just how much she...

She took a breath. Maybe after they got settled, maybe after things calmed down she would tell him, tell him everything she had wanted to tell him on the beach. Make him understand just how special he really was, just how  _ much  _ she needed him. 

Just as he was within reach, two things happened simultaneously, and she felt as if she was pulled from her body. 

First, he tripped on a loose wire on the floor. 

Second, the glass airlock closed with a bang. 

It didn't seem real, him standing on the other side of the glass, a place she wasn't and could never be. Clarke wasn't sure how long she stood there, staring blankly at the glass door, her mind trying, but failing, to mend a version of reality where this was possible, where it was possible that, after this, she would never be able to see him again. 

It must have been quite some time though, because she was sure of the commotion around her, of someone letting out a sob, of someone talking and apologizing, of someone saying goodbye, but she's wasn't sure who those people were. 

Finally, after some time, she heard him.

"Clarke," his voice brought her to the present, made her mind finally catch up, finally realize that she was now living in a reality where Bellamy Blake would not be with her for her whole life. 

She knew people had their lives flash before their eyes as they were about to die, but she never knew it could happen if you were still alive.

She remembered the first time she saw him on that drop ship, hair slicked back. A demeanor which screamed  _ just try to go against me _ . She remembered just how quickly she went from despising him to needing him.  

She remembered the first time she hugged him, after she escaped from Mount Weather. She had surprised herself when she ran into his arms, but the familiarity and comfort she felt when he hugged her back made her feel safe, made her feel like there would always be someone there for her, someone with her. 

And she remembered the moment of panic when she thought he was dead in the Mountain. 

It wasn't something she could describe in words, wasn't something she wished upon anyone. It was as if her heart no longer had any reason for beating, as if her body no longer had any reason for functioning. She felt as if someone dug deep inside of her, and scooped out whatever it was that made her alive. She never wanted to feel like that again. And now...

"Clarke," he said again, harsher this time. 

She knew what he sounded like when he was frightened for his life, she knew what he sounded like when he was happy, she knew what he sounded like when he tried to hide from the truth. 

But this...his voice sounded raw, too raw with emotion. This sounded like a man who had accepted his fate and wasn't willing to fight for any other outcome. This wasn't what she thought she would ever associate with him. 

And now it would be the last type of sound she heard from him. The last thing she would carry with her.

"Clarke," he said her name again, softer this time, "Please...look at me." 

As she looked up, she noticed two things. 

First, she was alone with him and second, he had taken off his suit. 

She hadn't noticed she was crying until she felt the salt on her lips as she spoke.

“Put that suit back on, Bellamy," she all but yelled at him, pushing the intercom button so that he could hear her.  Even though Raven said the door would take months to open, if anyone could get it done, it was Raven.  "We could still find a way to open that door, and I don't want you soaking up unnecessary radiation."

She wouldn't accept this fate for him, not now, not ever.

"You know it won't work." He replied in that same defeated tone.  He was right, she knew that, but a part of her had to at least try, even if it was just saying the words out loud. 

"Besides," he snickered, "if this is the last chance I get to see you, I wanna make sure I get the best view."

"Please," she said, "don't say that."

She heard him take a breath in before continuing. “Because I didn’t get a chance to say it last time…”

"No, Bellamy,  _ please _ ," she interrupted him, placing her hand on the glass. She wasn’t sure what she was asking, or who she was asking it of.

He smiled softly, mirroring her and catching her gaze. She swore she could feel the heat coming from his hand.

She saw it then. All the wasted opportunity, all the time that could have been spent being happy. All the time they could have had.  

She had spent so much time worrying about everyone else, pushing him away, never giving herself the opportunity to try with him, never got the opportunity to say everything she needed him to hear, and now it was too late. 

"Why does everyone I love die?" She asked herself, without realizing she said it outloud. But it was probably for the best, at least he knew now. 

"I’m not dead yet, princess.” He said quietly. 

He had tears in his eyes, she could see, but he quickly rubbed them away with his hand before leaning his forehead to the glass, leaving his hand where it was. 

The urge to run her hands through his hair and pull him towards her was too strong. She opted for the next best thing, leaning her forehead against the glass too, trying to get as close as possible. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. She had wasted her chances, and she would get no more. 

No more feeling the warmth of him next to her in council meetings, or as they walked side by side, no more quiet conversations with just a shared glance. No more seeing him smile or laugh without abandon. No more anything. 

“What I wouldn’t do right now for a chance to kiss you.” He said after a few moments of silence, his voice breaking. His words hit her right in her core. 

“There were times when I thought I would. I wish I did." She replied, weakly. 

Never had she hated a piece of glass more than she hated the one in front of her now. She was ready to take an ax and break down that wall, ready to use her own body if that's what it took. Because screw everyone else; screw surviving through another apocalypse. Nothing mattered if she couldn’t have him with her. 

She never really thought of what she would do when and if they managed to survive, but she had known that she wanted Bellamy by her side. Needed Bellamy by her side. And now what was she supposed to do?

How was she supposed to wake up tomorrow knowing that he wouldn't be in the mess hall waiting for her?

How was she supposed to go about her day knowing that he wouldn't come check up on her while she was in the clinic?

How was she supposed to go about her day knowing that there would be no one she could go to in the middle of the night if the nightmares got too much.

“You’ll be fine Clarke,” he answered her silent questions, “You’ve survived worse than this.”

She hated how much he knew her. She hated that she would never find anyone else who knew her as much as he did. She lifted her head then to look at him while she still could, noticing he was staring at her already.

“I survived because I knew, in the back of my mind, that you were still alive. That you were still there for me to come back to."

She remembered how it was after she left and how she would sneak close enough to camp to see him, to make sure that he was okay every so often before moving on. And she came back more than she thought she would - she would get up and walk without realizing the destination until she started recognizing rock formations and she realized that she was making her way back to camp, back to him. 

It was as if a piece of string had been tied around their hearts, forever connecting them, forever bringing them together. 

Except now, fate had decided to cut that string in half. 

How was she supposed to survive that?

"Bell, I can't..." She shook her head. 

He looked like he was going to reply, but stopped himself, a contemplative look ran across his face momentarily, before being washed away and replaced with another. This look she knew too well. It was a look that said  _ screw being shy or bashful, there isn't any time; there won't be a chance to say this any other time, so I might as well say it now.  _

"Yes you will. You're stronger than you realize. You've never needed me anyway." He said, and she noticed the tears forming in his eyes, but she couldn't look away, wouldn't look away, because she would never have another opportunity to look at him ever again. She wanted to memorize as much of his face as possible. 

He continued talking then, the words flowing out of him so quickly she could barely keep up. 

"I always needed you more. I was too reckless without you. Too unpredictable. Too lost. But you...you never needed me. You always knew what to do. " He was more vulnerable than she ever saw him and it broke her already broken heart because she couldn't comfort him in the way she wanted to. In the way he needed to be comforted.

"I know it will be hard, but you have to get through this Clarke. Because that's what you do. And if you don't do it for yourself, do it for me...do it for me and look out for O. You're going to have a lot more in common with her than you used to...she...she knows..." He paused then, as if gathering strength inside of him to continue. "She knows what it's like, Clarke."

He closed his eyes then, but she could see the reason he had to stop taking - he was crying. 

God, he was so stupid. So stupid if he thought that she didn't need him. As if there was ever a  _ moment _ , ever since they first landed, that she didn't need him. 

"Why do you always do that?" She asked through her tears. "Why do you always put yourself down Bellamy? You are more important than you realize. Do you...God Bellamy, there's so much I want to tell you."

"We'll have to make do, like we always do, won't we?"

But how? How could she wrap everything she felt, everything she wanted to say into a short conversation. She thought that, even if they did have a lifetime together, she would never, truly be able to tell him everything. She could write books about how she felt about Bellamy Blake. 

He continued then, when she didn't reply. His voice somber.

"I saw you on the Ark before we landed, you know that? I was doing a round and I saw you from across the room, and you know what the first thing I thought was?  _ Man, she looks like a royal pain in the ass. _  And then we came down to Earth and guess what? You really were a royal pain in my ass," he chuckled lightly and she couldn't stop from smiling. 

"You know what the funniest thing is?" He lifted the hand that was pressed on the glass and made to move it to her face, but he stopped himself, as he realized he couldn’t. 

"One day I woke and said to myself  _ Clarke Griffin is the bane of my existence  _ and then the next I woke up and said  _ I love Clarke Griffin _ and I don't know when that shift happened."

She knew he loved her, always had an inkling suspicion of it, but hearing him say it out loud, was something else.  And she realized the weight of the words he’d said to her.  _ She knows what it's like _ ...Octavia knows what it's like to lose the person you love.

She was breaking into so many pieces, she didn't think she would ever be whole again. She wasn't surprised at Octavia's actions now. She thought she fully understood the maddening rage that engulfed you when someone you love gets taken away from you. But what could she do? There was no one to hate, no one to blame for what happened. She could hate herself though, for waiting so long. She could hate him for waiting so long too. 

She replied to him, trying to encompass everything she felt for him, everything she will feel for him into three words. Encompass how she would hold him, how she would kiss him, if she had a chance.  It wouldn't be enough, but it would have to do. 

"I love you."

They sat for an insurmountable amount of time after that, hands as close as they could be behind a wall of glass and talked openly. Talked about everything that they didn't let themselves discuss before, discuss the future, discuss their futures. Discuss futures that would never have a chance of happening.

* * *

 

“What are you thinking about?” She asked him, as he sat, deep in thought.

“You ever heard of the theory of multiple universes?”

She wasn't really sure what he meant, but she nodded anyway. She wanted to keep him talking,  _ needed  _ to keep him talking. 

“I think it's giving me some solace. Maybe there is a version of us, somewhere, out there in another universe, that was able to get their shit together.  And that..no, that doesn’t make it okay, it just...I guess it makes it bearable, because it tells me that there’s a chance, that somewhere, we  _ had  _ a chance, that some part of me could be with you. Because...God Clarke, I want that.  I wanted that so much."

_ Wanted _ . No longer want. There was no cause for wanting anymore. There was no reason for wanting for anything except a miracle that wouldn't come. 

"Me too, Bellamy, more than you will ever know," was all she said, but he continued.  "And I don't, I don’t even know why I waited this long. I guess, deep down I believed you, I believed that we'd have time, that the universe owed us one, and we would get what we deserve."

It was torture, pure and unadulterated torture listening to him. Knowing that they both felt the same way, that they both suffered the same way, that they both longed for each other in the same way. And there was nothing they could do.

She knew that, in theory, someone should have come to her, come to take her away, but she was glad they didn't. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. She dreaded saying goodbye to him. She had done it once before and she didn't ever want to do it again. 

"You ever think what it would've been like if we met before, on the Ark?" She asked sometime later. 

"You probably wouldn't have liked me," he answered and she made a face. “What? I'm not lying. I wasn't the best person up there."

"But you had to be that way, you had to be that kind of person to protect Octavia," she replied. 

"You always see the best in people Clarke, I think that's why I fell in love with you."

She could see it then, the look on his face that said he made a decision then, and what was left of her stomach dropped before he even said the words.

“Well there’s no point in me staying here,” he said, “I may as well go out there..."

“No you can’t Bellamy, please just...just wait a bit more, I...” She couldn't lose him, not yet.  She wanted him to stay there, on the other side of the glass for as long as he possibly could.  

He smirked at her in the same way he used to when they first got to Earth, it was bittersweet. “I can do whatever the hell I want, princess...But for you, I guess I can stay a bit longer."

Something inside of her told her that she should have laughed or done something to acknowledge his throwback, but she couldn't. All she could do, was keep staring at him trying to memorize the freckles that stretched across his face, the freckles she had wanted so long to trace with her fingertips.  Trying to memorize the exact shade of brown his eyes were. Trying to memorize the exact shape of his lips. 

And that’s all she could do. Stare at the freckles she would never get a chance to touch. Stare at the lips she would never get to kiss. 

She wouldn’t even remember what he looked like because there were no pictures of him, no recordings of his voice. 

She was frightened that he would slip out of her memory because she never wanted to forget Bellamy Blake. Never wanted to forget the man who had saved her, in more than one way. Never wanted to forget the sound of her name coming from him. 

No, she wouldn't let that happen. She would draw him when she got the chance, put his face on paper while it was still fresh on her mind. And when that picture would fade, she would draw him again, and again, and again, so that there was proof. Proof that he was real. Proof that he was alive, even if only in memory.

* * *

She didn't even notice that she fell asleep until she was being woken up by Raven's gentle hand on her shoulder.

As she started gaining consciousness, she was confused. Why was she sitting by the airlock and why did she fall asleep there? Why was there a radiation suit on the other side of the door? Why was Raven looking at her as if she was near a wild, wounded animal...

But then, as Raven said her name, as she was brought in for a hug and when she wondered why Raven was there and not Bellamy... then she remembered. She remembered why she was sitting by the airlock. Alone. She remembered why it was Raven who was comforting her and not Bellamy. 

She wanted to yell and to scream at the unfairness of it all, but she doesn't have the energy left. She doesn't even know how her heart was still beating, how her lungs were still working. Instead, she melted against Raven, let the weight of it all surround her, absorb it like a sponge, and then released it. 

Clinging to Raven she was certain of two things. First, that, for as long as she lived, she would never be able to cry again, as she was pretty sure she’d run out of tears. And second, she knew that now, nothing would be able to hurt her again, because nothing could ever be as painful as this.

* * *

 

 

 

**Epilogue, 100 years later**

Annabelle carefully made her way to the library, sneaking as best as she could past the sleeping guard.  The library was small but as good as she could hope for. Apparently, 100 years ago, there was a place that held a big collection of popular Earth Books, but it got destroyed. She wondered if the book she was looking for would talk about it, given that it did happen during that time. 

She made her way through the library and entered the nonfiction section, walking past the two the two pre-ARK and the one post-ARK section until until she made her way to the biography section. She was surprised that, despite her practically living in the library, she had never ventured to this part of it, always favoring the the fiction side. 

Her favorite books, by far, were about a place that existed long ago called “Greece” and the gods and goddesses that lived there.  She remembered that, when her great-grandma found out what she was reading, she started crying. Annabelle didn’t understand what she had done to make her great-grandma cry. 

“Just reminds me of someone I hadn’t thought about for a long time,” she replied. 

That wouldn’t satisfy Annabelle’s curiosity so she pushed until she got an answer. 

Her great-grandma led her outside and pointed to a tombstone.  “My brother,” her great-grandma said. “He used to read these to me all the time. Guess it runs in the family.”

She wanted to know more about who he was, but when she asked, her great-grandma refused to answer. Saying it was too painful. 

So instead, Annabelle did her own digging and found out that someone wrote a book about him. 

So there she was now, standing in front of the largest book she had ever seen. No, she was wrong, it wasn’t just one book, it seemed like roughly 10 books, all lining the shelf, all roughly the same size. All larger than any books she had seen before.  

Annabelle sat down on the cold floor and opened the first book. There was a picture of who had to be her her great-uncle, with the name “Bellamy Blake” written in cursive underneath.  She noticed a quote, partially faded, underneath his name: 

_ In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground...May we meet again.  _ _ Bell, in some other universe we are together. Since I’m in this one, I guess I’ll have to wait a bit longer.  _

She knew that, given the books ages, they had to be reproductions, but the first page seemed to be covered in a thin film, almost as if whoever reproduced the work couldn’t bring themselves to replace that first page. 

Whoever her great-uncle was, Annabelle thought, someone must have loved him very much. And, given there were 10 books dedicated to him, she knew she would learn a lot. Maybe, she thought, there would even be a love story.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you hate me yet? Do you want to know why I decided to torture your soul this way? If so, send your comments and hate to: The Comments Below. Please note: In this version of reality, kudos indicate how much you hate me for writing this, not how thankful you are that this is written, but if for some weird reason you are glad that I wrote this, please use the kudos/comment function to let me know. And in order for me to ascertain which kudos are because you hate/love me, please also comment to let me know.
> 
> Also, naming her Annabelle, while it was a total accident, seems like I did it on purpose because it derives from the French word Belle, which means beautiful, and we all know someone else who’s name can be derived similarly.


End file.
